Think of the person, not the issue

By Diane Dennis

Boom!, Jun 1, 2009, Updated Oct 30, 2009

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Diane Dennis is a life transition coach appearing monthly on television’s “AM Northwest.” Call her at 503-972-3441, e-mail Dianeden@centurytel.net or visit www.coachdianed.com.

I shuddered when I read about Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover of Massachusetts and Jaheem Herrera of Georgia both committing suicide after enduring anti-gay bullying at their respective schools. They were 11 years old. Do you even know your sexual orientation before puberty?

Most of us have experienced a child coming home from school distraught over some playground taunting or mean spirited comments by bullies. I remember the first time it happened to my son. I smoothed his feathers, wiped his tears, and told him that it wasn’t personal, that Billy was probably having a bad day, and then I used the opportunity to teach empathy, projection and transference in 5-year-old language. I’m not sure my son understood much of what I was saying, but the situation at school seemed to blow over without further incident.

What if my little guy had gone to his room, become despondent, felt hopeless, took his belt, looped one end over the closet bar and wrapped the other end around his neck? Why are we burying dreams along with children not old enough to grow facial hair? Or are these horrifically desperate suicides what it takes to create a cultural shift, to wake us up to the prejudices we still hold onto?

In the cases of Carl and Jaheem, it is reported that school officials failed to address the bullying despite their parents’ repeated attempts to raise concerns. Schools have been blamed for shootings, mental illness, poor grades and pregnancy, as if the children were spawned on the schoolyard lawn, making principals and teachers their parents, aunts and uncles.

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